


Auld Lang Syne

by Totally_Legit



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, AU, Angst, Drunk Sex, Everyone Is Gay, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, It's sad but not depressing I promise, M/M, Multiple Pairings, One Shot, Smut, Sort of a Love Story but not really, non-linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 01:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Legit/pseuds/Totally_Legit
Summary: Sometimes friendship breaks apart. You may be able to salvage parts of it, but when you put them back together, it doesn't come out the way it used to be.





	Auld Lang Syne

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have a fic to finish.  
I will, I promise.  
I was going to post this after, but I'm making you wait so long, so it's here to pass the time.
> 
> The story is kind of messy, it's non-linear and could end up being confusing. I don't know, I can't read it like I don't know what's going on.  
So if you struggle too much, please please let me know in the comments where you lost it, so I can understand and do better.

Jaebum yawns heavily as he turns off the tap and fiddles for a towel. He can’t wait to get back into bed and snuggle into his pillows. Stupid body with its stupid natural functions. His eyes are barely open, but it doesn’t exactly matter because he didn’t bother to turn on the lights, so he makes his way back in the dark slowly, hand sliding along the wall to find the way and hopefully not bump into something.

His bedroom is on the complete opposite of the hallway, so he couldn’t have been awarded with a longer trip to the bathroom. But it doesn’t really matter, because whichever bedroom he were using, he’d be passing by the balcony. Both on his way back, but also on his way there and now, as he stops dead in the silvery moonlight falling in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, he’s just wondering how he couldn’t have heard it.

It’s clear, distinct, unmistakable. Crying. Jaebum turns, blinking, reaches out his arm to pull on the door and alas, it was only leaned and swings open quietly. Outside on the wooden panels, curled up into a ball sits a shadow and sniffs. Jaebum is stunned, frozen. Whoever it is, he hasn’t noticed him yet. Should he turn away and leave quietly? He shakes his head to himself. How could he? He can’t go to sleep knowing that one of his friends is sitting outside in the chilly spring night-air and crying.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, without further thinking, shudders over how crooked and sleep-ridden his voice sounds. He startles the figure, hears a hiss and the sobbing stops for a moment. “Go away.” Even wet with tears and muffled behind crossed arms. “Youngjae?” Jaebum takes two steps out the door, shaking off the tiredness. Worry clamps down on his heart. “Go away.” Youngjae repeats, more fervor, but barely firm. He audibly pulls up his nose, his shadowy form shakes.

Jaebum takes the last step and sinks down into a squat, sideways behind him, lifting his hand to put it up on his back by his shoulder. “What’s the matter, Youngjae?” He asks again, worry evident in his voice even to his own ears. But Youngjae shakes him off. “Leave me ALONE!” He spits, lashing out backwards, hitting Jaebum’s reached out arm successfully. It is honestly a little too much for him. Startled, Jaebum rises to his feet again, taking a step back. “B… But you’re crying…” he states weakly, staring down at Youngjae’s figure, who still doesn’t look back at him. “Do you…” He’s not sure what he wants to say, but Youngjae cuts him off nonetheless. “Fuck OFF!”

Jaebum complies, but even as he’s lying in bed again, he can’t fall asleep, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what the hell could have unsettled Youngjae like that.

  


He’s his old self again next morning, laughs about Bam Bam’s stupid jokes, no trace of tears in his face. Jaebum is almost relieved, thinking whatever it was, it couldn’t have been life-changing. But when they load up the cars regretfully, sweeping through the house and collecting their scattered belongings, he is almost certain that Youngjae is avoiding him.

The others are sad, as is he, their wonderful vacation coming to an end and they all send regretful glances back at the house while they roll down the street until it is out of sight. But Youngjae’s face is dark and sullen where Jaebum studies it in the rear mirror, staring out into the landscape. Their drive home is silent. Jaebum thought he’d be enjoying it, having Jackson and Bam in the car on their way there, but Youngjae plugs in his earphones and only speaks when they stop for a rest. Jaebum can’t help to look back at him again and again, until even Mark on the passengers’ seat picks up on it, following his gaze.

Their eyes meet, Mark’s questioning, but all Jaebum can do is shrug at him. He won’t tell anyone that he found Youngjae crying at night, not even Mark, he owes that to his friend, but he feels helpless. He drops Youngjae off at his house, making an effort to get out of the car and pulling him into a quick hug. “You can tell me if something’s worrying you.” He mumbles against the side of his head and to his surprise instead of wiggling out of it, Youngjae hugs him back, tightly, for a moment before he whispers “Goodbye Hyung.”

It’s chillingly sincere, but Jaebum doesn’t know its meaning, doesn’t understand it fully until much, much later. When time passes and it gets increasingly harder to get a hold of Youngjae. When more often than not they’re hanging out, six of them and someone asks “But where’s Youngjae?”. Then Jaebum thinks he understands, but he does not really.

  


  


  


  


  


Jaebum is really cool. It didn’t take Youngjae very long to figure that out. He’s smart, sophisticated and casually sexy. Emitting an aura of tsundere manliness that Youngjae always thought only straight men could have. (And only girls could like). Jaebum taught him otherwise. Jaebum also teaches him a lot of other things. For example to be less afraid of being seen as a  _girl_ . Not that he thinks it is wrong to have feminine traits or anything, just look at Bam Bam. No, it’s more that he simply thinks he doesn’t have those. He’s a full man. Well, maybe a boy still, but anyways.

“You are who you are.” Jaebum said, very simply, one day as they were sitting in a dimly lit room, then he slapped Youngjae’s hand away when he tried to sneak a sip from Jaebum’s wineglass. Now those days are over. It’s funny how, as you grow up, age differences seem to shrink into mere nonexistence. An age gap of two, three, maybe four years seem huge when you’re thirteen. But when you’re older, when you’re both adults, what do three years even matter?

Nothing. He concludes, staring at the back of Bam Bam’s head in the flickering light of the TV screen. Very obviously it doesn’t matter. Now, Youngjae isn’t entirely sure what they’re watching. Horror? Thriller? But he’s sure that he knows more about the movie playing than Bam Bam, or Jackson for that matter considering how heavily they’ve been making out for the past 30 minutes, hands tangled in each other’s hair and tongues down their throat.

Everyone else pretends they don’t notice, but honestly it’s quite disgusting. Youngjae tears his gaze away, tries to block out the gross sounds and focus back on the movie. 

  


  


  


  


  


Jaebum is both excited and nervous. He hasn’t seen his friends in such a long time. Objectively one might say it wasn’t really an eternity, but it surely feels that way. He has been out with Jinyoung and Yugyeom just two weeks ago and with Jackson the week before that. But it was never  _them_ . That’s how life goes. You grow up, you get jobs, you move. You find other people, other hobbies. It might all be normal, but it’s not fun.

It’s been forever since they’ve all seen each other. Since they’ve all been together as a group. All  _seven_ of them. So yes, Jaebum is excited. And he knows for a fact that he has not seen Youngjae for a year. Sometimes they text, but somehow Youngjae is always too busy to meet. Or he just ignores Jaebum’s hints, pretending he didn’t read it, didn’t get it. So yes, Jaebum is nervous.

He’s first at the bar, which is good, considering he reserved the table and he sits down, checking his phone again, just in case someone decides to cancel last minute. Everything seems good so far. It won’t be the same, he knows that. They’re not the same. Not the same people, not the same dynamics, but there must be something left. Anything of that essence that kept them together for such a long time in this deep, trusted friendship.

“Hey.” A shy voice makes and when he looks up, Jaebum is met with Mark’s careful smile. His heart cracks and he scrambles up from his chair. “Hey.” He gives back, tries a smile himself. Then they’re hugging. Mark still smells the same, Jaebum notices. And he feels the same, too, hard, lanky muscle under his palms. Jaebum pulls away and they look at each other. Mark is still pretty. They sit and order drinks.

Jinyoung and Yugyeom arrive together with Bam Bam. It’s easily audible, because they’re still the same noisy maknaes they have always been. Seeing them is comforting and seeing Jinyoung’s pained smile even more. Jaebum can’t help the happy laugh bubbling up in his chest when he greets them, lingering in Jinyoung’s embrace a little longer than necessary. They sit and order drinks.

Thankfully it isn’t awkward with Jackson when he finally arrives. They go over all the obligatory ‘What everyone’s doing now’ And ‘What’s new’ and ‘Where they work’ now. It doesn’t take long to run through, but that also means they’re getting to the uncomfortable topic sooner. Jaebum checks his phone. He’s glad that Bam Bam takes the leap, so he doesn’t have to. He turns to Jackson. “Are you seeing anyone?” Jackson shakes his head. “You?” Bam Bam nods, mentions a name that Jaebum doesn’t hear, because he’s checking his phone again.

All heads turn to Mark who makes a vague motion with his hand. “Recently.” He adds, then it’s Jaebum’s turn. “No.” He tells them, “Not since You-know-who”. Luckily, with that they’re through. Someone, Jaebum doesn’t know for sure who, uses the words “Hey, remember when…” And with that they’re gone.

It’s not a bad thing to relish in happy memories, even if it’s sad to think you’re not making new ones frequently. But still. The past is what binds them together for what he hopes will be eternity and the past should not be forgotten. It’s fun. It really is.

Youngjae never shows up.

  


  


  


  


“Oh my god, so cuuuuuute!” Jackson wheezes in English, startling the poor kid standing in the doorway. He IS cute. He’s very tiny, looking not a day older than eleven. He introduces himself as ‘Bam Bam’, shyly and in broken Korean. Jaebum learns quickly that this situation is out of his league, with his lack of English skills that make it much easier for Mark and Jackson to communicate with the new boy. But it’s okay, he thinks.

“You don’t have to be responsible for everyone here.” Mark tells him one time, in his accent that forwards easily how insecure he still is himself in the language. “And I’m older than you. I can do.” He smiles and Jaebum smiles back. He’s right. And he trusts them. And Jackson is _very _fond of Bam Bam. “You have Youngjae to care for.” Mark finally adds. That’s also true.

His eyes sway the room, finding Youngjae on the other end watching a video on Yugyeom’s phone. He knows Youngjae has a hard time integrating into the group. He was so timid when he first showed up and often it seems that he believes he doesn’t really belong. Jaebum doesn’t know why but he wants to change it. He wants Youngjae feel safe and taken care of. But he also knows Youngjae is lying to his parents about his whereabouts. Or at least the true nature of this… group.

Even more so Jaebum should, really should make sure to be a real older brother to Youngjae at all times. Which is quite easy, because Youngjae is so lovable. Jaebum is protective of him without trying, makes sure to show him that he’s welcome, that he belongs. And he sees in Youngjae’s face, in his smile that he knows it. That he appreciates it. His heart swells when Youngjae tells him that one time that he feels like a real brother to him, too.

He watches Youngjae’s confidence grow with fondness and admittedly with a hint of pride. He thinks he’s responsible, at least partially for that. A hand snakes around his waist. “Don’t stare at Youngjae like that.” A Voice murmurs in his ear. “You make me jealous.”

  


  


  


  


  


Y oungjae can’t. He really can’t. He doesn’t know why he came all the way here in the first place. He’s staring at the restaurant’s door, cold January wind making him shiver. He can’t go inside. He can’t meet them. Sure, he marked this evening in his calendar, positively excited, but that was then. That was when things were different, but now? He shouldn’t have left his apartment, should’ve shot them a text that he’s sick or something. It wouldn’t even be a lie. Standing there, freezing, he feels sick, wretched, miserable.

He turns and yelps as he bumps into something soft. “Youngjae-ah?” The voice is unmistakable. It shouldn’t be, Youngjae is way too late. He should be inside already. His eyes flicker up and find Jaebum’s face, chin hidden behind a thick woolen scarf. There’s a smile on his lips, eyes creased beautifully. “Why are you out here in the cold?” Jaebum says, “Go inside.” He wraps an arm around him, half a hug, half a towing him along. Youngjae resists. He can’t.

Jaebum stops again. “What’s the matter?” He asks, worry slipping onto his features effortlessly. “I have to go.” Youngjae mumbles, doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t have an excuse. “What’s wrong?” Jaebum inquires, grabbing him by the shoulder, fingers digging into the padding of his coat. Youngjae just shakes his head. Jaebum looks more worried by the second, he sways his head, glances up and down the street, then he delivers the fatal blow. “Where’s your boyfriend? Didn’t you want to bring him?”

The sob tears out of Youngjae’s throat against his will. He sniffs and hides his face. “I…” He makes. “He… We broke up.” He feels tears stream down his face, can’t stop them and just a second later he’s caught in a strong grip, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders in the most comforting hug he’s had in months. “Oh…” Jaebum makes quietly. “Oh no…” Youngjae may be a cry-baby from time to time, but what he has going for himself is that he’s a pro at keeping his outbursts short. A last sniff and he regretfully pulls away from Jaebum. “I…” He wipes his face. “I shouldn’t have come, I… gotta go home.” He tries to explain. He’s not shielded to argue when Jaebum will persuade him to come inside, but he doesn’t.

“Of course.” He answers, disgustingly pitiful. “Let me take you home, please.” Youngjae shakes his head, but Jaebum insists. “You shouldn’t be alone now, let me take you home. I’ll just…” He ponders. “I’ll grab the car keys, okay?” He asks, leaving Youngjae with nothing but a shrug. Grabbing the car keys means apparently going inside after all. “No, I’ll wait.” Youngjae mumbles when he’s pulled towards the door. “No!” Jaebum sternly answers. “You’ll take off, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

It’s excruciating. While Jaebum allows him reluctantly to stay by the door, he can still see them across the room and he knows they see him too. He hides behind his scarf, doesn’t react to Yugyeom waving to him. Jinyoung makes a motion of getting out of his seat that has Youngjae immediately recoil, turning away and pulling up his shoulders. When he steals another glance a moment later, Jinyoung is back in his chair, Jaebum leaning over the table hurriedly explaining the situation.

Youngjae hates it. He hates every second of it. It’s this that he always hated. Seeing his friends from afar, watching, observing, but never being a part. Mark hands Jaebum the keys, their hands linger for a moment, then Youngjae has to look away again when they kiss. His stomach churns.

Jaebum is trying, he knows that. He delivers him all the way back into his apartment, offers an open ear, offers a shoulder, makes him a tea. But Youngjae just wants him gone. He pretends to be fine, even smiles, nudges Jaebum to go back with the others and only when the apartment door falls shut behind Jaebum’s back, he allows the self-pity to rise up, tear him down and swallow him whole.

  


  


  


  


J aebum is mad. Mostly, to be honest, he’s drunk. Like, really, shit-faced drunk. And it makes him angry. People do stupid things when they’re drunk and people do stupid things when they’re angry. It could be a catastrophe to be both. But to Jaebum’s luck his anger seems to cancel his intoxication out.

Now that he’s drunk and the atmosphere is so loose, so fun, so full of memories and past happiness it’s impossible to ignore the heat. Impossible to ignore Mark’s shining eyes and canine smile. Impossible to ignore how he leans on him when he laughs. How their skin connects and their souls reach out for one another. That’s the stupid thing people do when they’re drunk. Fuck their exes. Jaebum knows he shouldn’t, but that’s not the reason why he doesn’t. He wants to, he yearns, but he’s too angry.

Yes they’re having fun, yes they’re laughing and reminiscing and getting wasted like the teenagers they once were. But every time a particular name drops, Jaebum feels a terrible jab at his heart. Now, heartache would make you sad when you were sober, but he isn’t sober, so right then and there it just makes him angry. Because it doesn’t  _have_ to be. The painful stabs could be avoided easily, if Youngjae was just there. The furious heat in his guts distracts him, as it grows, from Mark’s fleeting touches and heated looks.

When the bar closes and compliments them out, Jaebum makes sure to place all of his babies in a taxi, even Mark. He has that much left. There’s not resistance, no discussion. Jinyoung places his delirious boyfriend in the backseat. They take Bam Bam, too and Mark happily allows Jackson to pull him into the back of another taxi. They don’t live far from each other, Jackson promises and Jaebum insists that he’s fine on his own.

To Jaebum’s dismay, his intoxication can’t cancel out his anger in reverse. He fumbles around on his phone while walking down the street. Or maybe wobbling more than anything. But he still presses the call button and holds the phone to his ear. It’s the middle of the night and it’s not illogical that nobody picks up, but it makes him angrier. He calls again. Then again. He lets it ring until it goes to voicemail, then he hangs up and tries again. He doesn’t know how many times he tried, but at some point -Jaebum walked at least three blocks down the road- someone picks up on the other end. A sleepy voice sounds in his ear. “Huh?” It makes, simply.

“Oi, you!” Jaebum yells. “Where were you?!” “What?” The voice gives back sleepily. “You!” He scolds. “Listen, you lil’ shit! What ‘re you thinkin’?! Not showin’ upp to meet-t. Tch. Your friends, eh?” There’s some shuffling and grumbling. He thinks he hears a door, but it could be anything. Then. “Jaebum-Hyung?” Youngjae asks, more clearly now. “Well, duh!” Jaebum makes. “Where were you!” Youngjae ignores him. “Hyung, it’s four in the morning.” “Pffh.” Jaebum gives back. “Don’t care. You ain’t come. You said you come.” A sigh. “Are you drunk?” Jaebum snorts in response. “’f course.” “Hyung, let’s talk tomorrow when you’re sober.” Youngjae suggests. “Go to sleep now.”

Jaebum shakes his head. “Nuh-uh! I’m come now!” “What?” Youngjae asks and a less intoxicated person would hear the irritation in his voice. “Coming to you now.” Jaebum elaborates intelligently. “On my way.” “Hyung.” There’s a slight pause. “Where are you?” Jaebum ponders over that, just now realizing that he doesn’t really know. “Dunno.” He admits. “’m walking.” He should have taken a taxi, too, but he just now thinks about that. Another sigh. “Okay, stop now.” Jaebum does, halts mid-step and almost falls. “Stay right where you are and text me your location. I’ll pick you up.” That’s good. “Good.” Jaebum says, nodding and sinks down onto the curb. “Right. Good.”

There’s more rustling and Youngjae says “Stay there.” Again before he hangs up. Jaebum obediently sends his GPS location, then sets his phone onto his lap and waits. His world spins and there’s a humming in his ears that makes waiting hard. Hence he doesn’t know if it took long or not long at all for Youngjae to arrive. But he does and that’s the most important thing. He climbs out of his car in loose, shabby sweatpants and T-Shirt and Jaebum has never been more ecstatic about seeing someone before. He scrambles to his feet and falls into his arms.

Youngjae huffs. “You’re such an idiot, Hyung.” He scolds. “Gosh you’re drunk. Get in the car, I’ll drive you home.” Jaebum shakes his head. “No.” He adds for emphasis. “I’m coming to you.” He tugs at Youngjae’s sleeve. “Why?” His brows knit, visible even in the gloomy street lights. “You… I don’t know.” He really doesn’t know. “You didn’t came.” He tugs some more. “I need to scold you.” “Fine.” Youngjae surprisingly caves in. “Get in the car.”

Jaebum climbs onto the passengers’ seat and waits for Youngjae to start the engine and pull back into the street. He glances at him from the side, watches his eyes trained on the road. “Why didn’t you come?” He wants to know. “I’m here?” Youngjae answers absently. Jaebum huffs. “Earlier. To meet. With the others?” Youngjae glances at him for a second before looking away again. Then shrugs. “Couldn’t.” Jaebum’s jaw clenches in anger. Leftovers from before he called Youngjae. “What have I done wrong?!” He pushes out between his teeth. And receives no answer.

  


  


  


  


  


“Welp, it had to happen, didn’t it?” Jinyoung says impressively unimpressed. Jaebum squints at him. “Well.” Jinyoung looks around for support. “A whole bunch of gay dudes just hanging around each other all the time.” He explains. “It would be strange if nobody ever started fucking around.” Jackson gasps obnoxiously and proceeds to cover the ears of Youngjae sitting next to him. “Jinyoung!” he scolds. “Not in front of the kids!” Yugyeom and Bam Bam howl with laughter while Youngjae slaps the hands away. “I’m not the baby!” He complains.

“Also I would like to mention that we’re not ‘fucking around’. This is serious.” Mark throws in with an adorable little pout. “Language!” Bam Bam screeches, picking up on Jacksons joke and throwing himself over Jinyoung’s lap to reach Youngjae and press his palms to his ears. Jaebum presses his hands to his own face with a sigh. “I’m a dad with five immature children.” He complains. “Well.” Mark scoots closer to him. “At least now you’re not a single parent.” And he proceeds to press cute close-mouthed kisses to his cheeks until Jaebum rolls away in embarrassment.

The kids are still laughing. “I’m just glad it’s Mark-Hyung.” Yugyeom mentions at one point. “And not like… Jinyoung-Hyung or something.” Bam Bam sticks his tongue out. “Gross!” “Excuse me?” Jinyoung interrupts. “Jaebum-hyung would be lucky to date me.” “I have to agree.” Jaebum chimes in at that. “Gross.” Jinyoung pouts. “Plus, if we had a thing for each other, we’d probably have started dating before any of you kids even met us.” Which is true, considering Jinyoung is Jaebum’s oldest friend. 

It doesn’t go past Jaebum that one person stays awfully quiet the whole time. Later, when it’s more quiet and Youngjae sits in a corner playing on his phone, Jaebum sits down behind him to spy over his shoulder. “’Sup?” He asks and of course he startles Youngjae. “Ugh, Hyung.” He complains and locks his phone before Jaebum can make out what’s on it. “You’re quiet.” He says, not showing irritation. “Are you upset.” Youngjae’s “No.” isn’t very convincing, so Jaebum nudges his shoulder. He stays quiet.

“You know, Jinyoung was right with that.” Jaebum starts explaining. “It’s just natural to develop feelings in such a close environment. It was just a matter of time.” And it was. Falling in love with Mark was a very gradual process. Not rash or sudden. He didn’t ever expect himself to be the one to end up in a relationship first inside his self-created gay-teen-support group. Maybe Bam Bam and Yugyeom, he thought, but then again, they’re still very young. Him and Mark are the oldest, so it just doesn’t seem odd.

“What if you break up?” Youngjae suddenly asks, tearing him from his thoughts. “What?” He gives back in confusion. Youngjae turns around and faces him, legs pulled up on the sofa. “What if you break up?” He repeats. “And everything falls apart, because you fight and…” He presses his lips together. “What’s going to happen with this…” he waves his arms. “And us?”

The forlorn look on his face has Jaebum’s heart ache as he begins to understand. They are a replacement family for each other, a place where societal norms and outside pressure do not exist. He knows how important that is to Youngjae, who’s family is lovely, but also conservative. He reaches out to pet his hair, because he can’t help it. “It won’t happen.” He says gently, to which Youngjae snorts. “People can fight and part ways even when they’re just friends.” It sounds more depressing than he meant it to. “But people don’t have to part in hatred when they dated either. It doesn’t change how I feel about any of you or how we’re always going to be there to support each other.” He leans in to hug Youngjae quickly. “I won’t let you down.” He whispers.

He was wrong about that.

  


  


  


  


  


“I felt like I could only face them if my life was perfect, you know?” Youngjae tries to explain, turning his head sideways on his pillow to look at him. His face is thoughtful. “Not really.” He answers. Youngjae heaves a sigh. “I thought I had to show them that… I don’t know. That I’m fine. That I don’t need them. That I was never hurt by them. That I can live my life happily. And…” His voice is getting smaller, even he can hear it. “And that I can have a boyfriend, too.”

Jaehwan turns towards him and props his head up on his arm. “They probably never thought any of that.” He answers eventually. Youngjae shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. That’s what I think.” They look at each other for a while. “I knew Jackson and Bam Bam had eventually broken up. But the rest were still dating. So I thought, yeah, I’ll meet up with them and bring my own boyfriend. Just…” Youngjae turns his gaze back at the ceiling. “… Taehyung broke up with me then, so I couldn’t after all… I mean I would have been the odd number again. Them couples and me. I can’t do that again.” This time Jaehwan hums in something that could present as understanding.

“To be fair, Taehyung broke up with you because you cheated on him.” Jaehwan states dryly and scoots closer. His face shows up in Youngjae’s field of view. “Whatever.” He mutters. He wants to say he knows. That that’s not the point, but Jaehwan kisses him and their round two allows the conversation to be forgotten.

  


  


  


  


  


„This is my place.“ Jaebum notices, head leaned against the window and looking up at his apartment building. „Correct.“ Youngjae parks and steps outside. A moment later he tears open the passenger door and Jaebum‘s head falls. „Oh Jesus, get your act together.“ Youngjae comments frustrated and leans over him to unbuckle his seatbelt. Jaebum can‘t remember Youngjae being that tough and sturdy as he half-drags half-carries him up to his apartment. Jaebum leans on him unapologetically, mostly because staying on his feet all by himself feels quite impossible by now. He‘s tired.

„There you go.“ Youngjae gasps, audibly out of breath and shoves him down onto his bed. Jaebum groans in discomfort. His head is spinning, but the bed is nice and soft, so his eyes falls close. Something fumbles around on his shoes and they‘re pulled off his feet that are then being placed properly on the mattress.

„You got it from here?“ he hears Youngjae‘s voice and shakes his head with another groan. „What‘f I gotta puke?“ He slurrs quietly. Youngjae snorts „Gross.“ There‘s silence, no footsteps indicating that he leaves nonetheless. Jaebum cracks his eyes back open. „Youngjae?“ He asks. The light feels too bright, but at least he can see Youngjae‘s face. „Why‘d you leave us?“ Even in his own ears his voice is pathetic. To his surprise, Youngjae steps closer, the mattress dips as he sits down on the edge. Jaebum is confused. He thinks he sees Youngjae lifting his arm, then there is something warm on his face. Youngjae‘s fingers stroke his cheek.

“Hyung.” He whispers, but nothing follows. His hand feels nice, so soft and gentle and Jaebum sighs, eyes fluttering shut again. Youngjae moves, shuffles, but his palm doesn’t disappear. And then, as Jaebum relaxes back into the sheets, sweet pillowy lips graze his own. He flinches in surprise, but his eyes won’t open, a tender pressure to his mouth. It’s a kiss. Not a funny smooch, but a kiss, lingering, slow. Youngjae’s lips move against him, if it is Youngjae. If he is actually really there. And it’s so nice. Jaebum can’t remember when he last felt this comfortable, this safe and content.

He can feel Youngjae’s breath against his face, warm and soft, fingertips slipping behind his ear. And when it finally reaches his hazed brain that Youngjae, his little Youngjae whom he missed like crazy is actually kissing him… Suddenly everything seems to make sense. His mouth pops open, an instinct triggered by realization and surprise, an ‘Oh’ without sound, like he needs to gasp for breath or speak out loud, but all it does is allow Youngjae to push his tongue into his mouth, hot and wet and nosy.

If Jaebum’s head was spinning before, now he’s riding the world’s fastest carousel, his heart beats all the way up to his throat when the seductive, curious muscle invades his space and nudges his own and electricity runs through his veins like live hot wire. Youngjae tears away, just for a second, just to breathe out “Hyung…” against his lips and it sounds so longing, but maybe he’s imagining it, because that’s what  _he_ feels, but if not, then everything actually makes sense. He doesn’t get the chance to answer, because Youngjae kisses him again, presses their mouths together and he’s caught between him and the bed and he can’t move, but Youngjae kisses him with force, their tongues meeting each other messily and he can taste Youngjae, who is as sweet as sugar and as hot as a living flame. It’s urgent and sloppy and deep and while they kiss Youngjae shifts and slides atop of him, his heavy weight pushing him further down into the mattress. He’s hot and tight and close, their bodies connecting with pressure where Youngjae straddles his hips sinfully. It’s screaming of intimacy and passion.

Jaebum awakes. Screeching and creaking the gears in his brain kick into motion and he remembers just so that he has a functioning body. Well, almost functioning. His arms move up flailing and somewhere above him they catch onto something warm and soft. He closes them in, wraps them around Youngjae’s body, feels his Sweatshirt under his palms. He’s holding onto him for dear life, once he caught him, tightening his grasp and as if on autopilot slides one of his hands down his back all the way to the hem of his shirt, slipping it underneath and almost losing his shit over the hot, silky skin that meets him there where he shoves it back up in a trace of his spine.

It’s like instinct, he can’t tell what made him do it. The sudden urge of touching and feeling embedded in the unconscious depths of his mind as his drunken, hazy brain thinks “Sex”. Youngjae detaches with a gasp and finally, fired up by the intimacy and smoldering arousal that has his fatigue beaten into submission, he tears his eyes open. Youngjae’s face is hovering a hand width above him, beautiful, dark chocolate eyes, thick black brows and white skin. Jaebum isn’t sure, for a second, if he knows this man, wondering faintly where the blonde-dyed, wannabe-edgy little boy has gone, but he doesn’t get to dwell.

Youngjae stares back at him, panting heavily, just like Jaebum as he realizes, so close he can feel the wetness of his gasping breath on his lips. And desire. It’s written in his face, the painful want that tugs on Jaebum’s gut and while it feels like time slowed down infinitely as they look at each other closely in the light that is too bright and casts shadows over Youngjae’s cheeks, it’s merely seconds before Youngjae gives back in and smashes their lips together again. Jaebum meets him halfway, needy, starving, fumbling his second hand under Youngjae’s shirt to feel more of that soft skin.

It doesn’t take long for Youngjae to noticeably grind down on him, whether conscious or not, but when he does, they both moan in delight, sounds getting caught in each other’s throats. Something distinctly hard is squashed between them, but Jaebum can’t tell whose it is. Is he hard? Is Youngjae? His palms teeter down his sides. It’s not enough, he wants more of that, more naked skin to touch, more closeness, more pleasure. He slips his fingers beneath the waistband of Youngjae’s pants, the sweats sitting lose enough to allow him inside. He gets far enough in order to cup Youngjae’s cheeks, soft and bouncy and he pulls him close, pushes his bottom down, grinding their crotches together again.

The guttural groan Youngjae emits catches him by surprise and creates a flash of bright, hot lust that shoots through his body and he’s pretty certain now that he’s hard as a rock. They part once more, gasps for air more desperate than before, but the lack of Youngjae’s tongue on his own makes him more needy, more wanting and he digs the pads of his fingers into the flesh of his ass, squeezing it and bucking his hips up for some sort of friction. Youngjae moans against his lips, then his head drops and buries into the curve of his neck, panting wet breath.

Jaebum is so hot, he’s burning up and the tightness around his member is very much painful by now. He wants more, more contact, more of everything, more of _any_thing. “Youngjae...” He whispers and shivers over the sound of his own voice, raspy and unreal, like everything else. Youngjae, he repeats in his head. Then, right at his ear, quiet and raw Youngjae whispers back. “I want you.” Jaebum short-circuits. His brain goes white as his hips rut up against Youngjae’s body involuntarily, helplessly. Youngjae is so heavy, so tight and pressuring, he doesn’t know what to do. His hands grasp the fabric of his sweatpants, tearing at it, but unable to get it out of the way and he whines in frustration, surprising his own, hazy mind.

He wants Youngjae, too. He didn’t know that for sure, but he does now. In this moment it’s all he wants. He takes deep breath, when Youngjae finally lifts his weight off him, stemmed up onto his arms above him and there are his dark eyes again and they repeat the words a million times, setting flames to Jaebum’s skin, arousal thickening the air and clouding his senses. Then Youngjae’s face vanishes as he scoots down, shoving his shirt up to kiss a trail down his front and then he’s fumbling with the button of his jeans, having his emotions go haywire. He attempts to hold on to him, grab for any part of him, but he can’t focus enough and ends up grasping thin air. Only then does he realize that his pants are open and the front his pulled down, just so much, just  to steer clear , because Jaebum is too uncoordinated to lift his butt, but Youngjae can’t seem to care.

It’s too soon that something grazes his throbbing dick as Youngjae pushes his underwear  out of the way and before Jaebum finishes moaning over the fleeting touch, his small,  gentle hand wraps around him and he’s keening. He finally manages to direct his eyes south and how he finds Youngjae there, smiling up at him sweetly and his soft fingers wrapped neatly around his painful erection, he’s almost losing it. He feels his lips part, but he can’t procure any word, his brain unable to make sense of the concept of words. He reaches out again and his fingers manage to slide into Youngjae’s hair,  but only because he leans forward, locks his eyes and slips his tongue out to press against his head.

Jaebum probably moans, but he’s not sure, feeling overwhelmed by the situation. Youngjae doesn’t play, which is probably good, because Jaebum is feeling on edge, just from everything and his futile attempt of fitting into his reality that Youngjae, Youngjae is down there ready to suck him off. He wraps his lips around his tip, the wet heat of his mouth almost torturous as he engulfs him, his pretty hand still closed around the base. It is entirely too much, his own ragged breath ringing in his ears and his eyes falling shut over and over again while Youngjae quite effortlessly slides him deeper into his mouth. His lips are soft against his length and his warm tongue nudging and teasing the underside. Jaebum has probably never felt this good and he’s not sure why. It’s Youngjae, he reminds himself, it’s Youngjae, but it confuses him more.

Youngjae bobs his head, the slide of his lips getting wetter and slicker by the seconds, his free hand roams his jeans-clad thigh and settles against his hipbone, digging behind it and playing with it idly while he licks and slurps obscenely loud.  Jaebum feels the tide closing in, locking him in place while he moans again, louder, fingers curling around strands of Youngjae’s silky hair. He feels himself sink deeper, even nudging the back of Youngjae’s throat. He tries to warn, but fails miserably, still unable to articulate thoughts and tugs on his hair instead.

Youngjae’s throat closes tightly around him, tipping him over the edge along with a few jerks of his hand and just as Jaebum gets knocked over and his hips buck as he comes, he pulls off, his twitching cock plopping from the cavern of his mouth. Release washes over him, white bliss and contracting muscles and his eyes screwing shut until it recedes, slowly flowing off and leaving him exhausted and sated and calm.

It’s just when his breathing evens out, though he can’t remember what had him so breathless, that his eyes flutter back open. He could fall asleep in an instant, but now, post-orgasm he desperately needs to check if this is still reality. He almost wishes he didn’t, because when he blinks into the brightness of his bedroom, he does find Youngjae, sitting perked up on his thighs  and wiping his index finger through the sticky mess on his face. “Oh god...” Jaebum croaks, embarrassed to death and he scrambles to reach for his bedside drawer right above his head from his compromised position, trying not to think about how ridiculously hot it is that he just came on Youngjae’s face. Youngjae giggles as he leans over him and finds the tissue box himself, grinning down at Jaebum and sticking his tongue out at him, wiping the cum off his cheeks.

“Sorry.” Jaebum mutters, heart beating furiously and head swimming. Now that the arousal is out of the way he feels nauseous and the alcohol comes crashing back in. He wants to reach Youngjae, touch him, but he doesn’t think he can sit up without vomiting. Youngjae also carefully wipes his flaccid cock dry and tucks it back into his panties, but his jeans he grabs and pulls all the way down to get them off, throwing them carelessly on the floor.

Jaebum wants to sleep, badly, but there is also something he needs to take care of. “You.” He mumbles when Youngjae crawls into his space and lies next to him. He doesn’t get an answer, so he tugs at Youngjae’s sweatpants again, too uncoordinated, so he orders “Take it off.” Youngjae complies, shimmies out of them and also pulls his shirt over his head. Jaebum pulls him to lie down again and once he’s flat on his back, he rolls onto his side, throws his leg over Youngjae’s and locks it in place. Only when he slides his  palm down his chest and stomach he gets to take at look at his  cock, fully hard and gorgeous and Jaebum takes it into his hand without hesitation.

He feels good and sighs gently close to his ear. “Can’t suck, I’ll throw up.” Jaebum confesses and redirects his eyes to look at Youngjae’s face. He’s still smiling. “Okay.” He whispers, voice dark and roughed up. Jaebum places his head on his cheek, right next to Youngjae’s face, his nose pushing into the hair behind his ears. He’s not sure, but he thinks Youngjae smells wonderful and his skin is warm wherever they’re touching. He rubs him slowly, moves his hand up and down his shaft, sliding his palm along the velvety skin. The friction is a little rough, dry, but Jaebum can’t really think of anything and Youngjae moans softly, too. So he keeps jerking him, as steadily as he can and while he does he really wishes he wasn’t this drunk, wishes he had the mind and focus to appreciate the closeness and the sounds and the feeling. Then again, he’s not sure this could be happening if he were sober. But it feels like a waste nonetheless, if he can’t see and feels and hear Youngjae properly. Because he deserves that. He deserves to be seen and felt and heard. And appreciated.

Jaebum feels the slight twitching, he thumbs at the head and puts a little more pressure until he can hear Youngjae moan more frequently, deeper and louder. “Hyung.” He breathes out and then his muscles tense and he gasps and with a last tug releases over his stomach. Jaebum feels some splatter onto his hand when he guides him through it gently. Then he feels Youngjae’s body relax and everything around Jaebum is warm and dark and he just so notices how something pries his hand away from where he’s still holding the softening member, because his own body won’t listen to him anymore and he falls asleep like that, with Youngjae’s leg tucked under his own and their skin connected and the lights on.

And he is granted blissful, deep and dreamless sleep that allows him to not think until the morning. When he wonders whether Youngjae has always been in love with him. When he remembers how he found Youngjae crying one fateful night and remember s Youngjae’s Goodbye and  wonders if anything changed since then and how Youngjae has grown up and how Jaebum flirted around with Mark completely oblivious. Then it’s not blissful anymore, because he’s hung over and thirsty and his brain hurts and Youngjae is nowhere to be found.

  


  


  


  


  


Youngjae is lying in the dark, still, staring at the ceiling. At last it’s quiet. If he focuses enough he might hear the faraway sound of a car. If he focuses a little less he can hear the steady, deep breath from the bed on the other side of the room. He thought he should finally be able to sleep, but he can’t. He’s hot, he has trouble breathing. Something is hurting in his throat, in his chest. He feels constrained, isolated. And alone.

Quietly, slowly he shoves the blanket off and swings his feet down from the makeshift-bed. It would be unfair to say that it isn’t comfy. The mattress is nicely soft and luckily it doesn’t squeak either. But it’s obvious that it’s not supposed to  _be there_ . Bedrooms are meant for two people and this bed is just extra. It has just as much justification to exist as Youngjae has. He sneaks out of the room as quiet as he can, feeling for the door handle in the dark and slipping outside before closing it just as gently.

He’s desperate for a breath of fresh air, so instead of going down the stairs to the living room as he originally planned he stops by the balcony door and creaks it open. The closing mechanism is really loud, so he doesn’t shut it again, just leans it and steps outside into the crisp night air. Breathing deeply he ignores the chairs and sinks down onto the ground in front of the grate. The moonlight is just bright enough to make out forms in the dark, shadowy trees and open fields and stars sparkling in the night sky. It’s quiet here, too. Occasionally he can hear a car pass on a faraway street, but no breathing sounds but his own.

It’s nice out here. Yet it’s just like inside. Lonely.

He’s not dumb. He knows the others drew by a lot who had to take the three-bed room. Nobody wanted to lose. Nobody wants to share their room with an extra. They all spent a lot of money on this getaway. One week in a three-bedroom fancy, yet cute vacation home in the countryside. Six comfy, romantic nights to be spent cuddled up to your boyfriend. It’s not like any of them were subtle. It’s not like Jackson and Bam Bam didn’t vanish to their room early in the evenings to stay missing for twelve hours at a time. It’s not like the walls were thick enough to isolate the noises coming from Mark and Jaebum’s room way through midnight.

It’s not like Youngjae doesn’t know he’s a burden. He didn’t notice the first few until a sudden sob tears from his throat, startling him. Then he realized his cheeks are wet and one after the other, the tears fall into his lap. He hates them. All of them.

Why do they even invite him along at all? What’s the point to not ask him to sleep on the sofa, or maybe just stay in the car if Jinyoung and Yugyeom can’t keep their hands to themselves. Why pretend so hard to not care if they do. Why does he have to be the one listening, always listening to the sounds of them making out. All the disgusting wet noises and low grunts, why do they know no borders? No respect for him?

The sobbing has him shake and he pulls his legs up, burying his face in his knees, no more admiration left for the scenery in front. Whatever happened to ‘bros before hoes’? Why is everything else suddenly more important than friendship? Why does everything have to be about dating now? About boyfriends and sex and shit. And why is he left out? Does nobody ever think about what it’s like for him? Isn’t it obvious? Can’t they see? Why won’t they try?

How can he stay friends with them if they’re no longer a group of friends at all? If all they are now is a bunch of couples and a bystander?

He feared what would happen to their group if a couple broke up. He never feared the scenario that nobody broke up. He wishes they would. He wishes he could go back to a time when Jackson doted over him. When Yugyeom was like his best friend. When he was Jaebum’s favorite. But he can’t. He’s so caught up in crying that he doesn’t hear the person behind him until they grab his shoulder. He won’t ever be able to go back.

  


  


  


  


  


  


“Jackson.” Jaebum clears his throat because his voice sounded terrible. Jackson, whose mouth is stuffed with egg and bacon makes “Hum?” as a sign that he’s listening and fixates him with his puppy gaze. He looks as fucked up as Jaebum feels and he’s glad that they’re having their ritual hangover-breakfast at 4 pm, not just because that’s what they used to do, but also because he feels like he’s gonna burst if he doesn’t talk about it.

“I had sex with Youngjae.” He blurts out, nervousness making his heart jump and tumble while he eyes Jackson anxiously. The reaction is quite… “Your ex, Youngjae?” He asks, muffled by his full mouth. Jaebum shakes his head vigorously. “No, Youngjae-Youngjae. Choi Youngjae.” He pressures. “Ah, okay?” Jackson gives back and stuffs another bite of egg in his mouth. It’s not like anything he expected. “What?” He questions, stunned. Jackson blinks. “Okay?” He repeats and shrugs. “I mean- Good for you, I guess.” Jaebum shifts on his seat. “That’s all?” He asks. “Don’t you think that’s… weird?” It’s quite off-putting to witness Jackson laugh at that.

“How is that weird?” He gives back after he finally swallowed. “Everybody had sex with Youngjae. That’s like, how the world works.” He grins. Jaebum’s stomach plummets. “What?” He croaks. 

Jackson eyes him for a moment before his expression grows concerned. He sounds taken aback when he eventually continues speaking. “I mean...” His turn to clear his throat. “… that’s just… I mean, we all did at some point, right?” Jaebum stares at him. We all? “Y… You had sex with Youngjae?” He croaks, a furry feeling in his guts. Jackson shrugs at that. “Yeah…” He mumbles. “I did… Bam did. Mark did…” Jaebum’s blood runs cold while he tries to grasp the meaning of the words being spoken. Hearing Mark’s name makes it so much worse. Just the thought has him feel sick, though that might also be his hangover. He abandons his food altogether. He’s got more than enough to digest.

“Hyung…” Jackson eventually pipes up. “That was ages ago, why do you come up with that now?” Jaebum frowns. “Ages?” He asks, studying Jackson’s face. “No. No, just last night.” Now THAT has the desired reaction of Jackson’s eyes going wide, mouth falling open. “Last night…?” He asks aghast. “But… Youngjae didn’t… He wasn’t…”

Jaebum crosses his arms and looks down at the table. “I may have called him after you went home.” He confesses. “And maybe we somehow ended up in my bed, like… I don’t know man, I just…” He shrugs. Then, his voice losing all of his volume he adds. “Why would he do that?” There’s something. This nagging feeling that somehow this isn’t right. Jackson keeps staring at him with large puppy eyes. “Woah.” He makes. “What?” Jaebum gives back in irritation. “Isn’t it obvious?” Jackson scrunches his nose and keeps speaking as he eyes Jaebum’s upset face. “I mean, all his friends kind of ended up with one another… I don’t know. Can you blame him for wanting a piece of the cake?”

It actually has Jaebum even more annoyed. “That’s stupid.” He gives back, not really knowing what he means by that, just that he thinks it’s stupid. Jackson comfortably finishes his own eggs, then Jaebum’s leftovers too. “You know, Hyung. If this bothers you so much, why don’t you just call him?” He asks while he slips on his shoes, conveniently leaving Jaebum with all the dirty dishes. “Just don’t blame him, he did nothing wrong.”

Yeah, why doesn’t he just do that?

  


  


  


  


  


“Why don’t you just date him?” Jaehwan asks curiously, head propped up on his elbow like he likes to do, looking at him, from the side. “What?” Youngjae asks, brows furrowing. “Who?” Jaehwan props higher, looks down at him from above. “That Jaebum.” Youngjae is left confused, doesn’t know where this strange question comes from. “Jaebum-Hyung?” He repeats. “Why?” Jaehwan lifts his arms in the air in a sort of exaggerated shrug.

The confusion has Youngjae sit up, the blanket falling to his lap. “I just fucked him.” He adds. “Barely.” Jaehwan hums. “Were you thinking of him right now?” Youngjae frowns. Jaehwan grins. “Because you moaned his name.” Youngjae’s mouth falls open, he stares for a moment, then he grabs the pillow and slaps it into his face. “Did not, you fucker!” He exclaims and Jaehwan bursts into a fit of laughter. Which is good, because Youngjae now doesn’t have to think too much about how his heart is racing abnormally.

It takes a while until they both cooled down, but finally Jaehwan speaks again. “I’m serious.” He says with that half-smirk he sports often. “You haven’t gotten over your past after all these years, constantly bothering me with stories. Why don’t you just date one of them and make it all go away?”

Youngjae doesn’t answer. He falls back into the sheets. He can’t speak because he needs to think. He thought about it. When Jackson and Bam Bam first broke up he did think about it. But it felt nasty. Jaebum is okay. But he’s just Jaebum. His Hyung from back then. Back when he hated his life. Well, not quite. Jaebum was always fine. Always until he decided to hook up with Mark, that bitch. He sighs. “I don’t think that’s the way to go about.” He finally admits. “But you said he’s single now.” Jaehwan insists. “Even if you don’t date him, you can be his friend while he’s not having a boyfriend right? And you can have sex and then you will fall in love anyways, because that’s what happens to fuck buddies.”

Youngjae rolls away to think some more. He wouldn’t hate the idea really. He pictures himself flaunting around with Jaebum by his side, the others, Mark especially eyeing them from afar. “Wait a minute.” He turns over and looks at Jaehwan. “ _We’re_ fuck buddies. Nobody here f ell in love.” Jaehwan’s smile speaks of a harsh toothache. His voice is pitiful. “Oh, really?”

  


  


  


  


  


Calling Youngjae doesn’t exactly turn out as Jaebum had expected.  For months h e thought of heartfelt talks, long conversation, awkwardness and maybe even harsh feelings. He expected another Goodbye, a painful end to their no longer existing friendship.  Instead he finds himself sitting on Youngjae’s sofa with a cheerful companion and a hot coffee. Jaebum takes a sip. “So?” Youngjae asks. Jaebum looks up. “What?” He hasn’t been listening. Youngjae cocks his head. “I said, wanna screw?” Jaebum stares back. How much of the conversation did he miss?

“Have you been listening at all?” Youngjae frowns. Jaebum shrugs. “No.” He admits. “I was wondering...” He explains, taking in Youngjae’s pout and thinking that it’s really cute. “Do you like me?” Youngjae raises an eyebrow. “Because I gave you a blowjob once?” He crosses his arms in defense. Jaebum shrugs again. “No. Yes. I mean have you liked me before? Or… dunno...” He trails off.

Youngjae sets his own mug down on the coffee table and sits up higher, facing him. “No.” He answers soberly,  but then adds, a little less secure “I don’t think so.”. Jaebum follows suit, putting his coffee away. “Then you just did that for fun, hooking up with me and the others?” He inquires. He didn’t mean to sound accusing, but he understands that anger flares up in Youngjae’s eyes. “Why? Are you blaming me for that?!” Jaebum shakes his head. “I’m just trying to understand.” He mutters defeated. “Were you just trying to get back at us?”

Youngjae doesn’t deny that. He stays quiet. “What if?” He asks. “What if I did like you when I was little?” Jaebum looks away, out of the window into the clear blue sky. “Then I would probably ask you out.” He says, blinking at the sunlight. It’s quiet for a while. “I don’t know if I like you now.” Youngjae finally speaks and when Jaebum returns to look at him, he finds his arms untangled hanging loosely in his lap. “I  _was_ trying to get back at you.” He keeps going. “But… I don’t know. I’m not good at this stuff.” Jaebum leans his head against the sofa and sighs. “I didn’t like you either.”  He explains quietly. “But I liked it when we hooked up. And I always loved you so much.” He witnesses how Youngjae presses his lips together in an obvious attempt not to grin.

“You were so drunk, I don’t think you can remember whether you liked it or not.” He evades. Jaebum huffs. “Can too.” “Yeah I don’t believe that.” Youngjae teases him. “And as I was saying earlier. Because of you I lost my Fuck buddy. And that was ages ago and I’m horny and hence you owe me. So maybe you’ll let me refresh your memory.” It’s not a question.

Jaebum crawls over to him on the sofa. He cradles a hand behind his neck and doesn’t get rejected. “I’m sorry. For everything we put you through.” He whispers and watches Youngjae blink quickly. “I’m sorry for ghosting you.” He replies, just so getting it out before their lips connect. It feels amazing, to kiss Youngjae, his perfect plush lips and perky tongue. Jaebum can’t remember that it felt this good and he realizes that Youngjae might be right after all. When just a kiss exceeds everything he can remember from their last encounter, then maybe he really needs a refresher for all that’s about to follow.

What he does remember is how surreal it all felt and still does. Like he stumbled into an alternate universe where he never dated Mark, never ended up with the wrong Youngjae that crushed his soul and simply waited, long enough for Youngjae, the right Youngjae to grow up and become a man. A man that Jaebum might want to date. If being with Youngjae can even out all the mistakes then maybe, just maybe he’ll be fine with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you guys know how hard it is to pair Youngjae up with anyone outside GOT7? Bc he's never really around anyone else. So... ISAC is all I have and if I have to, I'll milk it.
> 
> Btw. I understand finally why I tend to post these One-Shots. All these long-ass fics in the making that I can't seem to get off the ground... I have like, plot outlines and ideas and things that need to be realized, it's just much harder. I have more ambition to make them perfect and end up getting stuck because I'm too scared I won't be satisfied with it. But fics like this, I just write them down quickly and I care less if they're not perfect.  
So, yeah... I think I take everything back I said.  
I'll just keep writing whatever I can come up with and if it means I neglect my main projects then so be it.  
There's no point in keeping myself from writing shit like this. At least I finish it and can put it out there.  
So, thanks again for everyone who encouraged me. Ily chickens <3


End file.
